My tween is spending too much time alone. I feel he has become far more engaged in solitude on his electronics. Before schools were canceled last March, he was much more involved with his friends and neighbors. Of course, we’ve all been isolating more and understand that’s part of it. But he’s no longer active. He doesn’t want to ride his bike anymore. When we do physically active things as a family, he’s uninterested, and wants to stay on his screen. Is this just the result of the social isolation, or is there something else going on?

This is something many parents of tweens are probably dealing with during this unprecedented time. Extremely active kids were forced into isolation and told NOT to interact with others out of fear of possible death. Imagine the anxiety that comes with this. As adults, we had/have increased anxiety, but we also have the capacity to understand research, news, and statistics. We’ve had quite a few additional years of developing decent coping skills. We have fully-developed brains that can process information at much higher levels, and COVID times have STILL been a huge challenge for us! Addiction, depression, anxiety, suicide, domestic violence, and child abuse have all been on the rise during the past 5+ months. Our children aren’t really even sure how to express exactly WHAT they are feeling, much less what to do with those feelings. So what DO they know how to do??? They know how to “check out” on electronics because this generation has mastered this skill. However, they also know how to “check in” on electronics! This IS their means of “connection” during a time when adults have told them they can’t interact with their friends. They can escape to virtual worlds with their actual friends, as well as many “friends” online experiencing the same kind of uneasy feelings. The friends they used to play sports and go bike riding with are now the friends they “game” with. So it really isn’t a shocker when they no longer want to be active. They were probably active with friends in the past... maybe a little less with parents.

And, if they were more active with the family in the past, it’s probably because they were not fearful, anxious, or depressed. Those emotions suck up a lot of energy, and the threat of COVID is still looming everywhere they turn. Schools aren’t back to normal. Hanging with friends requires masks. And let’s be honest, no activity is really as inviting or exciting when masks are involved. 

Unfortunately, gaming/screentime has a strong addictive nature about it, as well as a possible trap against them continuing to distinguish between what is actual reality versus virtual reality. Not to mention the dangers of predators. That being said, parents have to be cautious. Preteens, tweens & teens need to be monitored, and screentime needs to be limited. There are many ways to do this without completely taking away your child’s ONLY connection to their friends. You know your child. If you think this might be the symptom of a much bigger problem, seek out professional assistance such as a counselor or a psychologist. Search for those specialized in children and adolescents when possible. Also, consider connecting with some of their friends’ parents to determine who might be safe to schedule “play dates”. It was a thing we did before they became big kids. It might be a thing we need to revisit now. Just remember to talk to your children. Help them with understanding and expression of their emotions. Slow down. Listen to them. Be sure YOU are also taking time to disconnect from screentime and CONNECT with your children!

Writer, Speaker, Radio & Television Contributor, Dr. Misty Smith is the Founder and Managing Director of the Birmingham, Alabama-based Mind, Body & Heart Wellness Clinic. She is an ASSECT nationally recognized Certified Sex Therapist (CST), as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) of more than 15 years, who focuses on assisting individuals and couples to achieve their optimal emotional, relational, and sexual health through a results-oriented counseling process tailored to the needs of the individual or couple. In addition to being ASSECT Certified, Dr. Misty has a PhD in Counselor Education from Mississippi State University and her EdS in Counseling from the University of Alabama. She can be reached by email at mistysmithphd@mbhwellnessclinic.com or mbhwellnessclinic.com.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, or legal advice. If you have specific concerns or situations requiring professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately qualified individual. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose, or replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from another licensed professional. This column, its author, and the publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation addressed. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.